You probably assumed I let things go with the guy from my last post? You must not know me very well. I don’t let anything go. I had a feeling that deep down he wasn’t a true ghost-er. While he was away for a month I texted him numerous time. Eventually, he wrote back (I received the text one bottle of wine deep). He said he had been very busy (maybe) and that I had “thrown him out of my apartment and made it clear it was a dealbreaker”. In my mind, neither of those things were true. We “argued” back and forth for a while and I told him I didn’t feel like I wanted things to have gone this way and that I was sorry etc etc. We texted several times while he was away. When he finally came back I was fairly aggressive in my pursuit of seeing him again. I truly felt it was worth it, and that I owed it to myself to keep trying.
Outfit: Anxiety, masked by a black peter pan dress and boots
Two months after our last disastrous date, we went out again. You would think it was awkward and weird. It was not. Despite being so nervous I thought I’d pass out, it was totally normal and adorable. As soon as I saw him walk in, I felt this dumb grin spread across my face. What a muppet. We had so much to talk about, him being in China for a month, me being in Ireland and England for a month. I was careful to avoid talking about anything that would cause an argument, clearly. The whole time it was just completely natural. He didn’t even blink an eye when I ordered an entire side of queso. I only had two margaritas so I can’t even blame the alcohol. He drove me home, we talked in the car for a while, he kissed me and left.
I was ecstatic, I kept congratulating myself that I had actually fixed this, brought it back from the dead. I had also been sneaky and mentioned that it was my birthday the following week. I thought to myself, if he cares even remotely, he will remember that.
We texted a little over the next few days, I was careful not to launch back into anything too intensely. Lo and behold, my birthday rolled around and he texted me several times. You should have seen my dumb little face.
The next couple of weeks went slowly downhill. We kept talking, but he would be slower to respond. One time he said he might come by my place because he had ‘time to kill’ (I felt very special), but then changed his mind. The other time he said it wasn’t worth it to drive for an hour in the rain to come see me. Woof. After Thanksgiving I had to just cut the cord, I told him I really liked him, but I couldn’t keep fighting for this he never responded.
[You may think I let it go after this, STILL NO, my friends] I still texted him once in a while and he still responds. The last time I texted him was four days ago. It’s noW February and I live in a different country (more on that later) and I have yet to give this up. What a blithering idiot.
I debated whether I should even write about these next two dudes, but given that I had two dates with them each, it warrants a brief discussion.
Date 1, Gentleman A
Where: Barcelona Wine Bar
Outfit: Jeans and top, going casual because it was Sunday
I met this guy on Hinge (still the winner in my books). I didn’t know much about him, but he seemed really smart and driven and I usually will accept a date with anyone that actually asks me out, properly.
The date was overall fine, he was very very smart, well-spoken and passionate and I can always appreciate that. He also managed to be even more liberal than I am (which is unusual and a stark contrast to my previous date). Turns out he works in Private equity (I DON’T KNOW HOW I DO THIS EACH TIME). To be honest, I wasn’t super attracted to him -he was very thin and lanky and I have a strong dislike of beards. He correctly assessed that I always prefer alpha males and said that he was acting extra cocky so that I wouldn’t consider him weak and lose interest. Mer, accurate. After the date, he walked me home and went in for the kiss. I thought it was cute. However, when I walked into my apartment he started texting me that I should reconsider, and let him into my place. Uh no. He then said I can cancel this uber any time and come in, you’re so beautiful I can’t resist….Yea no. There are few things less attractive than a man begging like that.
We kept talking a lot over the next few days and he asked me out again. I was on the fence. However, I reminded myself that every single dating decision I have ever made was incorrect and that I should be open to someone who is clearly smart, successful, and interested.
Date 2; Gentleman A
Outfit: Silk wrap top and jeans
I was nervous (per usual) for our second date. But once it started, I actually felt much more positive about him. It helped that he showed up in a nice suit and not dressed like a teenager. Ruka is a great date place, its vibe is aggressively sexy. Again, the conversation was good, except I noticed he kept commenting that I wasn’t very peppy and upbeat. Things at work were particularly busy and the following day I was leaving for London for an event. He finally asked me, “do you think you enjoy life to the max, seems like you’re a really serious person”. Mkay. I said that I just had a lot going on. I tried diverting the conversation. But he kept coming back to it. I had the nerve to check my phone (because I was getting several emails from work) and he said to me “I feel like you really struggle with living in the moment”. I had had about an hour of questioning about my personality at this point and was starting to get annoyed. I reminded him that he had collectively known me for about 4 hours. He acknowledged this and we continued talking about other things. After dinner, I was ready to call it a night, but he suggested we go for a walk around the city. I had a feeling I wouldn’t enjoy it, but I was REALLY TRYING to give this a chance. It started off fine until he was asking me, “So what are the things that make you happy, is there anything…do you ever feel happy?”
At this point, I was phenomenally angry. I am so tired of having to justify myself to random men I do not know. I am sure there are plenty of things about his personality that I didn’t immediately like, but I don’t think the solution is a literal interrogation. I said, listen, I have had a really long day, I am going abroad tomorrow and I have a lot on my mind. You don’t know anything about me, so please stop hammering this point. His response:
It’s just, I think you’re really pretty, and you seem to have a really good and easy life. How could you not be a happier person?
AGAIN. YOU DO NOT KNOW ME. Women are allowed to be complex beings that have multiple thoughts inside their minds even if some dumb-ass man THINKS THEY ARE PRETTY. At this point, I stopped in the middle of the street and said very precisely and calmly: I have had clinically-diagnosed depression most of my adult life, I am sorry I don’t seem upbeat enough for you. Back the fuck off of me.
He then had this stricken look on this face. He said, a lot of my family has dealt with this, and I said, then you should be more cognizant of the things you say to people who could be dealing with things the best way they can. I turned around and walked away.
THE LAST thing I need is some stranger making me feel like I am not doing enough to hide who I am as a person. I will always be a dark-humored, sarcastic person. And experiences like this remind me that perhaps a life with no human interaction is best.
He obviously texted me immediately after, in case you think I am exaggerating the drama, here is the last thread.
Yeah, I actually did keep trying to date. How funny is that? I will keep this story brief because it’s dumb. Our first date started at a wine bar and ended at Tasty Burger and went exceptionally well, so much so I accidentally invited him to a pub crawl with a bunch of my work friends. That was a COLOSSAL MISTAKE.
The night of the pub crawl, he showed up over an hour later than he said (and with some liquid courage). I was feeling super on edge because I suddenly realized that he was about to meet 10 of my friends. When we went to the first bar, Loco, it was ok. He was doing a good job interacting with people and I was finding it hilarious that I actually came to an event with a date. Then two things happened. 1) I ran into someone that knew C, the guy I wrote about at the beginning of the post and 2) he pulled out an e-cig and I lost my shit. After dealing with the whole Dip incident, I was not ready for another smoker.
I should have my friend AC just fill in here, bc she was present for the entire disaster. I have never had a witness to see things literally go up in flames on a date. I left her alone with him and went to the bathroom to talk myself out of a panic attack. When I came back it was super tense and awkward, I don’t even remember some of the conversation because I was so nervous. Sadly for my friend, she probably remembers it all too well. She headed home and we went on to the next bar on the crawl (mistake). Apparently, he had gone out with one of my coworkers (THANKS, BOSTON), so they uh reconnected and were chatting. Then we were standing around with another coworker of mine, and he said to her “Your freckles are so cute!”, turns to me, and says “Doesn’t she have the cutest freckles?!” …. Uhhh ok, that’s awkward. The rest of the evening was just a mess. We both had way too many drinks, I was deciding that I semi loathed him. When I left the bar, he was still hitting on my coworker. He texted me after and said he had a great time. He clearly changed his mind overnight. The next morning I said, it was super awkward when you hit on my coworker. his response “I also told your friend AC that she had great dimples, doesn’t mean I was trying to f**k her, I was just trying to brighten her day” followed by “We should agree to go our separate ways”. YES, I THINK SO.
Luckily, a week after this, I relocated to the greatest city on earth, London for a few months. Please be sure to read my next posts in a British accent, because that is how I wrote them.